Date: Thu, 26 Oct 1995 11:57:07 CDT
From: Patrick Douglas Crispen
Reply to: The Internet TourBus - A virtual tour of cyberspace
To: Multiple recipients of list TOURBUS
Subject: TOURBUS - 10/26 "FRIENDS" AND "THE SCROLLS"
/~~~|~~~~|~~~~|~~~~|~~~~|~~~~|~~~~|~~~~|~~~~|~~~~~/~~~|~\
|____|____|____|____|____|____|____|____|____|____/ | \
| /_____|---\
/ --T-H-E---I-N-T-E-R-N-E-T---T-O-U-R-B-U-S--> ///////| |
| |///////| |
~~~/~~~\~/~~~\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/~~~\~~~~
\___/ \___/ "Why Surf When U Can Ride The Bus?" \___/
TODAY'S STOPS: "I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS"
ô AND THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS
TODAY'S ADDRESSES: http://www.phantom.com/~joelogon/platonic.html
http://sunsite.unc.edu/expo/deadsea.scrolls.exhibit/intro.html
Hi, kids :)
Before we get too far into today's TOURBUS, there are three pieces
of business that I need to take care of.
First, I want to welcome all of our new subscribers to TOURBUS
(and I especially want to thank all of our "veteran" bus riders
who forwarded my recent letter to their friends and co-workers).
You are in for one wild ride :)
Second, I would like to remind everyone that if you want to
learn how to use the Internet, or if you want to learn how
to access some of the Internet's most popular tools (including
the World Wide Web) using nothing but e-mail, all that you need
to do is send an e-mail letter to
LISTSERV@UA1VM.UA.EDU
(that's "you-aye-won-vee-em") that says
GET NEWUSER PACKAGE F=MAIL
in the body of your e-mail letter. The LISTSERV will respond
by sending you two letters: one telling you how you can retrieve
all of the 27 lessons in my free Roadmap Internet training workshop,
and another one telling you how you can retrieve Dr. Bob Rankin's free
guide "Accessing the Internet by E-mail."
Finally, I want to remind everyone that while TOURBUS is free
to you, it actually costs Bob and me several thousand dollars
a year to run this list. To help defray some of this cost,
Bob and I may from time to time put some "ads" on the bus :)
As a matter of fact ...
======================================================================
"INTERNET 1-2-3"
Professional Internet Guides and Tutorials from HelpLine
TOURBUS riders - you get a 25% discount on HelpLine's Internet 1-2-3
guides and tutorials! These quality interactive learning tools will
save you time and help you "find and do" what you want on the net.
Visit HelpLine on the Web at
http://www.helpline.com
Make sure to specify "TOURBUS" as your discount referral id.
======================================================================
Now that we've paid some bills, let's play :)
The idea for today's TOURBUS came to me while I was on a
commuter flight from Ohio (or, as they pronounce it in
Boston, "Iowa") back to Alabama this past weekend. It was on
this commuter flight that I realized:
1. Stuffing all 6 foot 5 inches of me into a
2 foot commuter plane seat tends to make me
a tad bit sarcastic (there is something about
having my ankles in my ears for long periods
of time that makes me "giddy").
Anyway, I just want to warn you that the first part of today's
TOURBUS was written with my tounge in my cheek (and my ankles
in my ears), and is not meant to be taken seriously (or
personally) by anyone.
"I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS"
---------------------------
Do y'all remember back in fourth or fifth grade when the boys
and girls were separated and each group was shown a "special"
film? Of course, we all know that the boys' film taught the
boys various arcane sports rules (like the infield fly rule),
how to properly scratch themselves, and why any sort of long-term
commitment should be avoided at all cost. As a matter of fact,
because of the film most men can not even *SPELL* the word
commitment (men usually add an extra "t" to the word as part
of a subconscious, anti-commitment defense mechanism).
What is not widely known (but *I* figured it out) is that the
girls' film taught the girls how to make those little paper
oragami finger thingys (you know, the ones where you'd go "1-2-
3-4" and then open a flap that says "you have cooties"); why it
is important to always go to the bathroom in packs; and, of course,
"THE speech."
THE speech? Yes, THE speech. You know THE speech. It begins
with "you are such a great guy" and ends with the immortal words
that drive a cold, steel shaft through the hearts of any man:
"I just want to be friends."
Well, thanks to the miracles of modern technology, there is now
a text-based World Wide Web homepage solely devoted to the
infamous "friends" speech! (Aint technology grand?)
Joelogon's Foolproof Guide to Making any Woman your Platonic
Friend can be found at
http://www.phantom.com/~joelogon/platonic.html
This page gives tips on the care and feeding of your new platonic
friend, some do's and don'ts in maintaining a platonic friendship,
and, best of all, a really humorous look at some of the real life
reasons given by women on why they want to be "just friends."
THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS
--------------------
Now for the serious stuff. Since I am smart enough to realize
that some of you will not fully appreciate the sarcasm in the
previous section, I've decided to add a "serious" stop on today's
TOURBUS. Actually, this is just a brief glimpse of
a stop that we will be visiting again in the weeks to come.
For those of you who have not been fortunate enough to visit
the Ancient Library of Qumran and Modern Scholarship, or who
did not see the recent exhibit of the Dead Sea Scrolls at the
Library of Congress, I am pleased to announce that the LoC's
Dead Sea Scrolls exhibit is now on the Web at
http://sunsite.unc.edu/expo/deadsea.scrolls.exhibit/intro.html
If you want an example of the Web at its best, this is it!
You need a graphical Web browser to view the pictures on this site,
but if you don't have a graphical Web browser you can still read
the text (including the translations) using a text-based Web
browser (or even a web-mail client).
As I said, we'll talk more about this site (and the other Expo
sites) in the weeks to come.
and, finally ...
TODAY'S SOUTHERN WORD OF THE DAY
--------------------------------
LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."
======================================================================
SUBSCRIBE : Send SUBSCRIBE TOURBUS Firstname Lastname
to LISTSERV@LISTSERV.AOL.COM
unSUBSCRIBE: Send SIGNOFF TOURBUS to LISTSERV@LISTSERV.AOL.COM
Web Site : http://csbh.mhv.net/~bobrankin/tourbus
(stop in for back issues and the logo contest)
Advertising: E-mail BobRankin@MHV.net w/ Subject: SEND TBRATES
======================================================================
Don't forget to check out http://www.helpline.com and put
that 25% TOURBUS discount to good use :)
TOURBUS - (c) Copyright 1995, Patrick Crispen and Bob Rankin
All rights reserved. Redistribution is allowed only with permission.
(\__/) .~ ~. ))
/O O ./ .' PATRICK DOUGLAS CRISPEN
{O__, \ { PCRISPE1@UA1VM.UA.EDU
/ . . ) \ THE UNIVERSITY OF ALABAMA
|-| '-' \ } )) HTTP://UA1VM.UA.EDU/~CRISPEN/CRISPEN.HTML
.( _( )_.'
'---.~_ _ _& Warning: squirrels.
