TOURBUS: Tuesday, October 8, 1996
DRIVER: Bob Rankin
TODAY'S TOURBUS STOP:
Are You Addicted?
Greetings! Today I've decided to share a bit of cyber-humor with all of you. TourBus rider Andrew Grant of Durban, South Africa forwarded the first item to me, so I thought I'd pass it on with another ditty I picked up recently.
I'm sorry the names of the authors are not available - I scoured the Net but could find the source for either. If you are reasonably sure that you know the author(s), please let me know and I'll mention it in a future edition.
Top Signs of Net Addiction
- You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
- You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 1.1 or higher."
- You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
- You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
- You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
- You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
- You laugh at people with 2400-baud modems.
- You start using smileys in your snail mail.
- Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.
Now admit it... How many of you have made "modem noises" into the phone just to see if it was possible? :-)
What if Dr. Seuss Did Technical Training Manuals?
Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
You can't say this? What a shame sir!
We'll find you another game sir.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!
*---------------------( THE NOODLES ARE COMING!! )-------------------* The Flying Noodle has a cool collection of gourmet pastas and sauces. Mention The Tourbus and we'll take $5 off your first order over $20. *--------------------( http://www.flyingnoodle.com )-----------------*See you next time! -Bob