Date: Wed, 19 Mar 1997 15:39:48 -0800
From: Patrick Douglas Crispen 
Subject: TOURBUS -- 20 MARCH 1997 -- YOU DON'T KNOW JACK!

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Hi, kids!  Before we get the latest tour of our little bus of Internet
happiness under way, there are a few small "messes" that your fearless bus
driver needs to clean up:

     1. In Tuesday's TOURBUS, Bob wrote

           See the CuD archives at
  for more on
           the fascinating story of Kehoe's accident and recovery.

        Actually, Bob seems to have got his celestial bodies mixed up.
        That address *should* be:


        I guess the computer was running a tad bit hot on the Sun, so
        they moved it over to Venus.  :)

     2. A few people thought that my recent comments about my
        roommate's $682.92 phone bill were meant as a "slam" against
        America Online.  That simply is not true.  I have been an AOL
        subscriber since early 1995, and often I am able to find
        things on AOL that I simply cannot find anywhere else.  So, my
        comments about my roommate's $682.92 phone bill were *NOT* a
        slam against AOL ... they were a slam against my roommate!  :)

     3. Finally, in last week's Southern Word section, I sarcastically
        suggested that the United States Postal Service employees
        carry semi-automatic assault weapons.  If this offended
        anyone, I apologize.

With that out of the way, I want to thank the folks who are making today's
TOURBUS post possible.  It costs a lot of money to keep the bus on the road
week after week, and these folks pay the bills, keeping TOURBUS free for
the rest of us.  :)

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[Today's TOURBUS stop is only going to be accessible to those of you who
are running on a Windows95 PC or on a PowerPC Macintosh.  I know that that
leaves out a lot of you, but today's stop is so absolutely cool that I just
*had* to write about it, even if it is not accessible to everyone.  I will
make up for this, though, by posting something next week that EVERYONE can

I don't know about you, but I am personally disappointed with the state of
the CD-ROM game industry right now.  Walk into any computer superstore and
you will see shelf upon shelf of CD-ROM games in which the only objective
is to kill everything in sight in the bloodiest way possible.  Other CD-ROM
games -- mostly simulation games -- are so difficult that you need to take
a college course in engineering just to be able to play them ("you'd better
slow those screws down, Bobby ... your cavitating!").

Fortunately, there are a few CD-ROMs available for people like me who don't
like turning creatures into a bloody froth and who don't have the time to
learn aerospace engineering and hydrodynamics.  Once such game is "You
Don't Know Jack."


You Don't Know Jack (the CD-ROM game) was introduced in 1995 by the folks
at Berkeley Systems, and it has been a runaway hit ever since.  You Don't
Know Jack is an irreverent (and hysterical) trivia game show with some of
the most unique categories and trivia questions I have ever seen.

The game really does look and feel just like a game show that you would see
on TV, minus the Rice-A-Roni ads for the runners-up.  In You Don't Know
Jack, you are asked 20 trivia questions.  For each of the game's 20
questions you choose a category from a list like:

     1. Fairy Tales & Fakin' it
     2. Playing Marco Polo in the Genetic Pool
     3. James Bondage

Once you choose a category, you are asked a question like

     What do two brown-eyed parents need to pass on to their child for
     the child's eyes to be blue?

     1. colored contact lenses
     2. two dominant genes
     3. one dominant gene, one recessive gene
     4. two recessive genes

You buzz in, pick an answer, and the game either gives you money for a
correct answer or (much like Jeopardy) takes money away for a wrong answer.
The game also has some spectacular audio and video effects, as well as an
extremely sarcastic game show host.  For example, after explaining the
answer to the question above ("two recessive genes"), the game show host
noted that "you'd better believe that when that kid comes out, the daddy is
going to be taking a good look at the milk man."

As you can probably tell by now, You Don't Know Jack is meant for
semi-mature audiences.  Most of the questions are simply too complex for
children, and, according to the folks at Berkeley, the game

     contains mature content, including suggestive sexual references
     and language that may not be suitable for children.  Besides,
     they won't get it anyway.


Until recently, the only way that you could play You Don't Know Jack was on
a CD-ROM.  This has changed, though, thanks to the introduction of You
Don't Know Jack -- The Netshow.  The Netshow is almost identical to the
CD-ROM game, except:

     1. The Netshow only allows 1 or 2 players to play at once (the
        CD-ROM game allows up to 3).

     2. The graphics and sounds on the Netshow are not quite as
        "crisp" as those on the CD-ROM (but the difference is VERY
        hard to tell).

     3. The Netshow has questions on current events (one of their
        recent questions was about the swallows returning to
        Capistrano (is that how it is spelled?) this week).

     4. The Netshow is FREE (the CD-ROM game, obviously, isn't).

     5. The Netshow has commercial breaks (the game is free because
        it is advertiser-supported), but the breaks are extremely well

     6. The Netshow's questions are updated twice a week.

     7. I personally think that the Netshow's questions are a little
        bit easier than the questions on the CD-ROM game.

The requirements to be able to play the Netshow on your computer are pretty
extensive, and unfortunately may be outside of the scope of some of our
riders.  If that is the case with you, please be patient -- hopefully the
Netshow will be ported to other computer configurations soon.

Here is what you need to play You Don't Know Jack -- The Netshow:

     486/66 or better, running Windows '95
     8M RAM
     10M Hard disk space
     Sound card and speakers (16-bit)
     Internet access at 28.8 or faster
     Netscape 2.0 or later, Internet Explorer 2.0 or later

     PowerPC or Compatible
     4.5M free RAM
     16MB RAM total
     10MB of free hard disk space
     MacOS 7.1 or later
     Sound Manager 3.2
     MacTCP, v2.0.x or Open Transport, v1.1
     Internet access at 28.8 or faster
     Netscape 2.0 or later, Internet Explorer 2.0 or later

To play, the first thing you need to do is point your Web browser to

and then click on the "You Don't Know Jack -- The Netshow" button.  This
will take you to the Netshow's main homepage.  From there, click on the
"download" button.

This will take you to the You Don't Know Jack download page.  To be able to
play the game, you are going to need to install some special software on
your machine that will handle the game's graphics and sounds.  [I know that
this sounds like an awful lot to do just to play a game, but believe me,
this is well worth it!]

Once you have loaded the software, go back to

click on the "You Don't Know Jack -- the Netshow" button, and then click on
the "Play Now!" link.  That's it.  The game will automatically start!

The questions are updated every Monday and Thursday, so make sure to play
often.  The folks at You Don't Know Jack also give away prizes to random
players several times a month.  :)

That's about it for this week.  You Don't Know Jack is an hysterical game,
and you owe it to yourself to download the software and start playing the
game just as soon as possible.

Have a safe and happy weekend!


OSBORNE (phrase).
Usage: "Osborne in the state of Merlin."

(Special thanks goes to Kevin Luke for today's word)


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    TOURBUS - (c) Copyright 1997, Patrick Crispen and Bob Rankin
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     Send this copy to 3 friends and tell them to get on the Bus!

   (\__/)  .~    ~. ))
   /O O  ./      .'             Patrick Douglas Crispen
  {O__,   \    {               The University of Alabama
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  '---.~_ _ _&                    Warning: squirrels.

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