From: bobrankin@ULSTER.NET
Subject: TOURBUS - 08 Sep 1998 - Spammer Nabbed, Ribs Jabbed

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           TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: Spammer Nabbed, Ribs Jabbed

Welcome back to another week on the Internet Tourbus!  In today's
issue you'll find out why spamming doesn't pay, and get a few chuckles
from the best humor the Net has to offer.  I also think you'll enjoy
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Patrick Gets Carded - Big Time

Before we begin our tour, let me pass along a semi-urgent plea from
Patrick.  In my last message, I made a feeble attempt at humor when
I suggested that you forward the "Dying Birthday Boy" hoax to all your
friends.  Patrick reports that he has received about 1000 birthday
greetings, and he most certainly does not want to become the next
Craig Shergold.

So PLEASE, do not forward that message, and as much as we all like
Patrick, don't send him any more birthday greetings.  Proper Southern
gentleman that he is, Patrick feels obliged to respond to each one.
Let's give him a break, so he can think of some appropriate form of
revenge for when my birthday rolls around.  :-)

Spammer In The Slammer?

If you've ever been the recipient of an unsavory, unsolicited e-mail,
you know the feeling...  I've Been Spammed!  Lots of people write to
me asking what they can do about all the spam they get, especially
parents concerned about kids receiving solicitations for pornographic
materials.  I'm happy to say some relief may be in sight.

Juno Online Services, provider of the free Juno e-mail service, does
not take it lightly when a spammer uses a bogus JUNO.COM address in a
mass mailing.  They've successfully sued several spammers, but one
notorious offender had eluded them for several months.

Ronald Alvin, head of TCPS Incorporated, served up millions of spam
messages advertising pornographic videos, according to Juno, but they
had little luck finding Alvin to serve him with a lawsuit.  Alvin was
also "wanted" by AOL, Hotmail, and others, including the NY Attorney
General.  So Juno hired a law firm to track him down.

Alvin was found holed up in a Brooklyn home, and was slapped with a $1
million lawsuit.  Other legal action will certainly follow, which
means Alvin may soon experience a lifestyle change.  "We got him and
we're going to shake all the pennies loose," a Juno attorney said. "I
don't think this guy's going to have anything left when the industry
gets done with him."  I have to applaud Juno for their detective work,
and I hope this will serve as a lesson to Alvin and other mass mailers:
Spam Doesn't Pay!

The Best of Net Humor

If you visit any search engine and look for "humor", you'll get an
eyeful.  But a lot of it really isn't that funny.  So if you're
looking for laughs, save yourself some time.  I've put together a
short list of what I've found to be the best sources for online

Hopefully, you'll get some chuckles and forget your troubles for a few
minutes.  A merry heart makes good medicine! Of course, humor and the
definition of "funny" varies from person to person, so if you do see
anything you find personally unfunny, offensive, etc., please don't
complain to me.  And please don't send me your favorite joke - I
already get over 100 e-mails a day, and it's hard to keep up.

EFF Net Culture Humor contains several dozen jokes and stories
relating to Internet culture.  I liked the "Abort, Retry, Ignore"
poem, which is a parody of Poe's "The Raven." 

The Best of Rec.Rumor.Funny is a collection of the best jokes from
this popular Usenet newsgroup.  Some are not suitable for children,
but they are all labelled so you'll have advance warning of items
you may want to skip over. 

The Shiftkey FAQ is a funny parody of the Usenet-style Frequently
Asked Questions documents.  Here's a sample from the Q & A:

>  Q. If I press the shift key at the wrong time, or too many times,
>     will my computer explode?
>  A. No. Well, generally no. Not unless you are using a NEC laptop.
>     Or vt100 terminal emulation. But even then, hardly ever. Really,
>     don't worry about it. Forget I mentioned it. Just type softly. 

Hope you enjoy the humor.  If none of these float your boat, pop over to
Yahoo ( and search for "humor".  You'll find plenty
of stuff to keep you busy.

See you next time! --Bob Rankin

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