Date: Wed, 31 May 2000 04:37:29 +0000
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Sender: The Internet TourBus - A virtual tour of cyberspace
From: Bob Rankin
Subject: TOURBUS - 30 May 2000 - Really Bad Stuff
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TOURBUS Volume 5, Number 92 -- 16 May 2000
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FIVE YEARS of Searchable Archives at http://www.TOURBUS.com !!
TODAY'S TOURBUS TOPIC: Really Bad Stuff
Hi All, and welcome to another week on the Internet Tourbus. In
today's issue, you'll find some Really Bad Stuff. Nothing dirty or
illegal of course, but stuff so bad it'll make you laugh. Our sponsors
for today, however, have some really GOOD stuff. I encourage you to
visit and thank them for supporting TOURBUS. A click or two before we
get rolling will make them very happy!
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=========
BAD ART
=========
When I was a kid, my orthodontist had a really bad painting in his
office, which I had to stare at while he reshaped my mouth. Ever
since then, I've been sensitive to Bad Art. I think the guy that
created
http://www.badart.com
must have undergone extensive dental work too, because he's spent
years collecting examples of Bad Art. Virtual curator Vito Salvatore
explains his philosophy like this:
> The work here must not simply be bad, but compellingly bad! It
> must reach out with crude style, failed technique or unintentional
> humorous content, shake the viewer and say, "You cannot take your
> eyes off of me, drop your jaw and stare!"
You can see his collection online, along with funny titles and
explanatory quips for each painting. One painting you MUST see is
"Eye Yi Yi" in Gallery 1, which the webmaster describes as "the most
hideous and powerfully bad piece I've ever seen."
There's also a really funny story about "an artist and his butt". It's
not gross or obscene, but it does describe a very novel approach to
painting that you won't want to try at home. :-)
Also check out the Bad Links page, with pointers to other sites just
brimming with Bad Art. (Oh, and Dr. G, if you're reading this ,
please don't visit this site. Your past, present and future
orthodontic patients all thank you.)
===========
BAD HAIKU
===========
Do you remember writing Haiku poetry in 5th grade? Sure you do!
It's a Japanese literary form, consisting of 17 syllables, with 5 one
the first line, 7 on the second line, and 5 on the third line.
Here's an example:
This haiku poem
Has seventeen syllables
Quite meaningful, eh?
Now that's pretty bad haiku, even though it fits the form. But you
can find some really bad haiku, or submit your own at this site:
http://www.badhaiku.com
You can submit your own haiku, and it'll be added to the site's
archive. Please note that Bad Haiku does not guarantee that all
submissions conform to the rules of proper haiku, and that you will
find some off-color language amongst the many submissions. Here are
some of my favorites from the Bad Haiku archive:
Cafe alfresco.
Light nosh 'neath trees and teal sky.
Big bug in my soup.
I HAVE A PROBLEM
I CAN'T THINK OF A HAIKU
WHAT AM I TO DO?
================
BAD LITERATURE
================
Do you think you're a really bad writer? Take heart, you could win a
prestigious award for your drivel. The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest
has challenged entrants for almost 20 years to compose the opening
sentence to the worst of all possible novels. Here's one of the first
winners:
> The camel died quite suddenly on the second day, and Selena
> fretted sulkily and, buffing her already impeccable nails--not
> for the first time since the journey began--pondered snidely
> if this would dissolve into a vignette of minor inconveniences
> like all the other holidays spent with Basil.
> --Gail Cain, San Francisco, California (1983 Winner)
New entries will be accepted until mid-June, so if you think you're
bad enough, give it a try!
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com
==========================
GOING FROM BAD TO WORSE?
==========================
If you haven't had your fill of Bad yet, try the absolute worst at
http://www.worstoftheweb.com
Each weekday, your guides Buzz, Melvin and Chip feature a really
awful site, and tell you why it stinks. If you want some examples
of how NOT to design your web pages, browse here for a while.
That's it for our trip into the Bad side of the Web. See you next
time! --Bob Rankin
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