Date:         Sat, 9 Jun 2001 02:58:36 -0400
Sender:       The Internet TourBus - A virtual tour of cyberspace
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Comments:     Originally-From: Patrick Douglas Crispen

From:         Patrick Douglas Crispen 
Subject:      TOURBUS -- 8 JUN 01 -- ALBUM CHARTS, AIRPLAY LISTS ...
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              TOURBUS Volume 6, Number 87 -- 8 June 2001
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   Album Charts, Airplay Lists, and Animal Droppings
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On with the show ...
The two questions I am asked the *LEAST* are:
     1. How can I use the Internet to find album charts and radio
        airplay lists; and
     2. How do I calibrate my manure spreader?
Today's TOURBUS post answers both of these questions.  :P
Album Charts and Airplay Lists
Let's pretend you're feeling a little adventurous and want to purchase
some new music, stuff you've NEVER heard before.  Or, even better,
let's pretend that a teenager you know is having a birthday.  You want
to give this teen a couple of new CDs but the last popular music song you
remember is "Muskrat Love."  What do you do?
If you're like most people, you head to your local record store and
solicit the advice of a sales clerk -- a person who, according to the
rules adopted at the 1947 Geneva Record Store Convention, HAS to be an
angst-ridden teenager wearing WAY too much black.  Asking a record
store sales clerk ANY question, however, is a BIG mistake.  Record
store employees all suffer from a serious case of CDD -- Clue Deficit
Disorder.  I should know.  I once worked in a record store.  I also
thought that Brooks & Dunn was Garth Brooks' other band.
Besides, if you ask a record store clerk for his or her
recommendations, one of two things will happen:
     1. The clerk will recommend a pathetically bad local band named
        something like "Verga" or "Phil and the Blanks."  No one,
        other than the clerk, has ever heard of this band.
     2. The clerk will direct you to a copy of the Billboard 200 and
        Hot 100 lists hanging on the store's wall.
Fortunately, thanks to the wonders of the Internet, you don't have to
go to the record store to see these charts.  Just point your Web
browser to Billboard magazine's Web site at .
Over on the left side of the page you'll see links to the latest
Billboard album and single charts.  Most of the chart titles are
self-explanatory.  For example, the country album chart shows the top
20 country music albums.  The only album chart that requires any
explanation is something called "Heatseekers": .
According to Billboard,
     The Heatseekers chart lists the best-selling titles by new and
     developing artists, defined as those who have never appeared in
     the top 100 of The Billboard 200 chart
In other words, if you are looking for new, popular music groups or
artists -- stuff you've never heard before -- the Heatseekers chart
may be just what you're looking for.
Remember, though, that Billboard's album charts are based on sales.
The more copies a particular album sells, the higher it will be ranked
on the charts.  Sounds scientific, but sales are not always a good
indicator of whether or not a particular album is any GOOD.  Case in
point: the Backstreet Boys.  They may have sold a squillion albums,
but they'll NEVER be as good as N'Sync.  :P
If you're interested in the most popular music singles (instead of
albums), take a look at Billboard's Hot 100 list at .
You can see the first 50 positions on the chart for free.  To see the
rest you'll need a monthly membership (at almost US$15 a month).  :(
Billboard also offers airplay charts, charts showing the songs that
have been played the most on the radio over the past week.  Skip
those.  You can find some MUCH better airplay charts on Radio and
Records' Web site at 
Radio and Records is the weekly newspaper for the radio industry, and
it has more airplay charts than you can shake a stake at.  Just click
on the "Charts" list on the left hand side of the page to see R&R's
complete list of airplay charts.
Okay, Billboard shows you the most popular albums and singles that
have been purchased over the past week and Radio and Records shows you
which songs have been played the most on the radio over the past week.
But what if you want to HEAR a particular song before you plunk down
your hard earned money to purchase a copy of it?  That's where our
next stop comes in.
Go to CDNow at 
and search for the song that she would like to hear.  The CDNow Web
site, through the use of Real Audio, Windows Media, or plain old MPEG
audio, lets you listen to brief, 30-second streaming audio snippets of
almost any song you can think of.  And, because you aren't really
downloading anything from CDNow other than a 30 second, low quality
audio clip that will automatically be deleted when you close your
audio player, all of this is perfectly legal.  :)
So, if you're looking for new or popular music, go to Billboard or
Radio and Records, check this week's charts, and then go to CDNow and
listen to snippets of the songs that interest you.  Then go to Napster
and steal the songs you really like.
I'M KIDDING!  Don't do that.
Instead, go to your local record store with a list of the albums and
songs you like and laugh at the angst-ridden teenager behind the
counter ("Verga!  HA-HA-HA!").
Oh, one last thing.  If you are concerned about explicit lyrics, you
might want to think about buying your CDs and tapes at Wal-Mart.
Almost every major record label in the US releases two versions of
their albums: a regular, sometimes explicit version, which is
available everywhere but Wal-Mart; and a clean, edited version which
is sold exclusively at Wal-Mart.  Parents LOVE the Wal-Mart version.
Teenagers, understandably, are less enthusiastic.
Remember, if you want a sanitized version of a particular album, go to
Wal-Mart.  If you want an unedited version, check out your local
record store or an online merchant.  [Personally, I like my albums UN-
edited, thank you, but that's just me.]
Manure Spreading Calibration
Finally, for those of you who have had problems calibrating your
manure spreaders (and who also have Real Player on your computer),
check out .
I found this video the other night as I was doing some research for
one of my classes at Pepperdine -- don't ask -- and I immediately
forwarded it to all of my friends.  It turns out that there is a small
error in the video, though.  As one of my friends, Purdue engineering
alumnus Dave Albert, recently pointed out to me,
     I can't help but point out the unstated assumption in the second
     half of the video (application of liquid manure) that could lead
     to disastrous farming results if left unstated.  In calculating
     the amount of liquid manure applied during the test, the host
     says he needs the capacity of the liquid manure spreader.
     However, he fails to point out that he is assuming the liquid
     manure spreader to be full at the start of the test and to be
     empty at the end of the test.
     I can't help but be a little disappointed in Penn State here.
     Given Purdue's rich history in agriculture, I'll bet that if we
     had made the video, we would have gotten our [manure] straight.
I hope this clear some things up.  Have a safe and happy weekend and
we'll talk again soon.  :)
   Album Charts, Airplay Lists, and Animal Droppings
HOLT (verb)  Past tense of the infinitive "to hold."
Usage: "Bubba, grab a holt of the pickup and hang on!"
[Special thanks to Ken Sawka for today's wurd]
You can find all of the old Southern Words of the day at 
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