Warning, Danger!

We've all seen lots of those email warnings and virus alerts, but this one tops them all. So I've decided to pass along this little story I justed concocted - err, I mean just received from a credible source, for your edification. This is not a chain letter! This is not a joke! This is absolutely true! (Yeah, right...)

I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from the trauma of his friend's aunt who took her kids to a Burger King restaurant in a major city and they all got bit by snakes in the ball pit. Anyway, he decided to forget his troubles by having a few stiff drinks down at Mulligans, and the the next thing you know he awoke in a hotel bathtub full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got out of the tub he saw a note on the mirror saying that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN by Bill Gates, and he could only get them back by dialing 9-0-# and forwarding 5000 emails to a dying girl at Disney World.

THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE!!! My uncle's friend heard this story from his neighbor who got it from a guy named Craig Shergold who used to work for the American Cancer Society in a major city.

Well the poor guy immediately tried to call 911 from a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but upon reaching into the coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around which was wrapped a note that said, "JOIN THE CREW". He was so distraught at this point that he went into the nearest theater and bought a ticket. It was then that he felt a sharp pain in his left shoulder blade. The people behind him got up laughing and tossed a wadded-up paper ball at him as they ran out. When he uncrumpled the paper, it said "WIN A HOLIDAY" and was signed by Jessica Mydek.

THIS IS NOT A JOKE!!! I have a friend who works next door to the police department of a major city and he heard it from his elderly aunt.

The poor man, having no kidneys and infected with a dread disease, stumbled into a nearby Neiman Marcus cafe and ordered a plate of cookies to console himself. The cookies were so good, he asked for the recipe and was told that it would cost "two fifty". When he received his bill, there was a charge for 250 dollars. Furious, he fired up his laptop and sent an email to his lawyer. It was then that he noticed his Palm Pilot was infected by the Budweiser screen saver virus. A "flashing IM" appeared on his AOL screen, and without thinking, he clicked on it. Instantly, hackers stole his password and began downloading salacious photos of Nina Tottenberg onto his hard drive.

So anyway, the poor guy tried to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another car driving along with its headlights off. To be helpful, he flashed his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation in a major city. His arm was bleeding badly, but he was able to make it into the mall parking lot. Just at that moment, he saw two guys with black hoods stuffing his wife into a van. Apparently they had told the woman there was a dying baby in the parking lot and asked for her help.

THIS IS NOT A CHAIN LETTER!!! Please forward this urgent message to every one you can, and spread the news that the Take-A-Bath Foundation will donate a pair of Nike sneakers to everyone at Disney World, but only if you send it to 1000 people. So don't be a thoughtless jerk - it only takes a minute of your time to spread this chain letter, and it could be true!

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This story is by Bob Rankin Copyright (c) January 1999